You are reading the FRACAT Blog Archive (also known as "FRACAT 1.0") for all posts prior to October 29th, 2007.
An Open Letter to the Country of Romania
Many of you might not be aware that FRACAT has a lot of Romanian fans. Well, it’s apparently true.
You see, they leave all sorts of comments on the blog that seem to get caught in the SPAM filters. Not one has made it through, but those Romanians are nothing if not a determined lot. Every day, more comments.
I’m writing this message because they, apparently, don’t have a high opinion of you and I want to make sure they know about your true and wonderful traits.
So, this is To Romania….
DEAR ROMANIA,
Hi. It’s me again. Dan. From FRACAT? Yeah, our correspondence does seem to be a little one-sided, so I wanted to at least write you back.
My silence has been because, since you have such a low opinion of me, I figured you’d stop writing.
You seem to think that my readers and I need Xanex, Levitra, Vicodin, Tylenol, Propecia, Vicodin, Ephedra, Valium, Lorazopam, and all the other wonderful drugs of our time.
And, as if being a depressed, fat, sex-crazed, pain-riddled, balding person wasn’t enough, you somehow think that we are also also rich (aren’t all rich people depressed, fat…?) and have nothing to do with our money.
In order to help us out, the entire country of Romania also thinks that we want to buy everything from car transport services to DVDs to music to video games (complete with cheats, since we’re apparently not patient enough to actually play through the game).
While we want all of these things, the thing we want most, apparently, is porn. Lots and lots of porn. If there is anything remotely porn-like (and some things that disgustingly are not), you write to tell me about it.
For the sake of decorum, I will refrain from relaying all of the different types of porn that you write about. Suffice it to say that I realize you represent a nauseatingly complete array of the porn industry.
But truly, I think the most insulting thing is that after describing us this way, you want to mock us.
I mean, just let me just accept the fact that I’m a depressed, fat, sex-crazed, pain-riddled, balding mass porn consumer, okay?
You don’t have to rub in the fact that I’m all alone and nobody is calling by trying to sell me ring tones!
Anyway, I wanted to at least write you, the entire country of Romania, to clear the air about myself and my readers. We are mostly wonderful, well-adjusted people who might need a job, but other than that are just fine, thank you.
And to tell you it’s over. It’s not you, it’s us. Whatever, it’s just time for us to stop writing each other. Mostly, it’s time for you to stop writing me.
So, to the entire country of Romania, Goodbye. I’m sorry it had to end this way….so publicly and all.
But, perhaps I can suggest some other Blogs that you might want to start seeing. In any case, you can stop writing to offer your help any time.
Like….now.
Okay…….now!
Enjoy the Weekend!
-Dan
—–
Daniel R. Sweet
Chief Cook-And-Bottle-Washer / Sr. Recruiter
FRACAT.com - Free Resume and Career Toolbox
LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielrsweet
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