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As I read Jason Alba’s JibberJobber Blog yesterday, it reminded me of all of the horrendous advice I’ve ever received on building rapport in an interview.

Of course, everyone tells you to build rapport so that the HR person / Hiring Manager likes you.

And the standard advice is to look around the person’s office, see what they’re interested in, and start talking about it and your experiences with whatever that interest is.

I didn’t know this until later in life, but - for anyone who has been in that type of position for more than 2 weeks - that type of effort is completely transparent and makes it feel like you’re being sold.

So today, I’m going to talk about How To Build Rapport in an Interview Without Sounding Stupid!

I AIN’T ABOUT THAT FANCY BOOK-LARNIN’!

I’ve had a lot of jobs in my career. I think it’s because I’ve always liked the hiring process better than the job itself. Hence, it took me awhile to find my calling in recruiting.

In any case, as most of you know entirely too well, for each new job that you attain, you have to go through a bunch of interviews. As a result, I became the King of Interviews early on.

I could answer all of the standard questions with a super-fancy, shiny, new answers that made me look good. I thought I knew it all.

Until I interviewed at a travel agency, that is.


THE BEST INTERVIEW THAT I EVER HAD WAS THE ONE WHERE I BARELY SPOKE

I was in Austin interviewing at a mid-sized travel agency to be their technical guy. The lady I was interviewing liked to talk and, since I had read all of the interviewing books, I knew enough not to interrupt.

Which is not to say I was silent - I did the standard “MmmHmm”s and head-nods to convey that I was listening to her. But I didn’t say much early on in the interview.

I don’t know if I made a game out of it or she was just talking so much, but at some point I decided to say as little as possible.

So, she talked about the position, what they do, and she took me on a tour of the office. The whole time, I said very little.

At the end of a 2 hour interview where I had said almost nothing about myself, she said, “Well, I get a good feeling about you. I think you’re a strong candidate for this position.”


THE LIGHTBULB GOES ON

As I confirmed later on in my technology sales career, the key to rapport is people feeling comfortable with you.

And the key to making people feeling comfortable with you has very little to do with you. In fact, it has as little to do with you as possible.

You see, most people don’t have anyone to listen to them. And they desperately want to be listened to and tell the world about all of the things they find interesting. (Hmmm…perhaps that’s why I blog….AND never run out of things to say…)

It is this weird instinct, and not clever police work, that results in most criminals giving themselves or their friends up. Basically, if you get a thief to talk long enough, his crime will come out.

Unfortunately, since everyone in the world is like this, most people don’t get to express all of their thoughts. And they are screaming out to the world (but keeping it on the inside) for an opportunity to do so.

Getting back to interviewing, if you can tap into the beginning drops of those internal thoughts AND be a good, active listener, you are going be drenched in a flood of information that your interviewer never thought he’d let out.

And anyone who listens to the flood while paying attention and seeming interested is going to win some level of trust from the flooder.

Viola! Instant Rapport!


BEWARE - IT’S NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS

Unfortunately, we are just the same as every other human on the planet in this respect. So, for some reason, after someone else has talked for awhile, we have this virtually uncontrollable urge to speak.

So, during the interview conversations, you all of a sudden get this pushing from inside your head. “Ooo! Ooo!” your brain says, “We were there! Tell her we were there! We know that place! She’s got to find it interesting that we were there! Tell her now!”

It is at this point that you’ve got to tell your brain STAY QUIET! Give it some Trigonometry to work on - that should make it shut up!

If your interviewer is going on and on about Carlsbad Caverns, she really doesn’t care whether you’ve been there or not. Frankly, it’d probably ruin the story if you were because she couldn’t tell you how wonderful it was.

Let her talk it out. She’ll get back around to talking about the position when she’s ready. Let her make the transition. You’re going to get a much better view of everything by letting her talk.


THE FAUCET IS WAITING TO BE TURNED ON

My wife often tells me that I’ve got this “thing” about me that makes people want to tell me about their entire lives. The only “thing” is that I act mildly interested and ask about the little hints they drop.

I’ve had a new home saleslady tell me about her boyfriend, their sex life, and how she’s going to break up with him. All of this in a 10 minute conversation where I was looking for directions.

I’ve had a professional surfer talk my ear off in an airplane about the hotel rooms he’s destroyed, his relationship with his parents, and how he’s ready to retire.

I’ve had a casino dealer tell me about the huge money he made in building his own company, how much more he made when he sold it, and how he blew all of it on drugs, prostitutes, and lawyers.

This isn’t magic. It is just human souls all around you crying out to be heard.


PRACTICE THIS BEFORE YOUR NEXT INTERVIEW

Try this “technique” out today on someone. It could be your friend, your spouse, or a clerk in a store. Start by asking any appropriate question and then listen for the cues in the answer. Do they sound tense? Ask about it! Do they sound happy? Ask about it!

Do they mention Jim, the stock boy, seemingly out of nowhere? Ask about Jim. They’re begging you to ask about Jim!

Strike up a conversation like this and then strive to say as little as possible while still sounding and looking interested. I’ll bet you could get them to go on and on for an hour or more.

Try it! And tell me about your results!


Enjoy the Search!

Dan
—–
Daniel R. Sweet
Chief Cook-And-Bottle-Washer / Technical Recruiter
FRACAT.com - Free Resume and Career Toolbox
LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielrsweet
Call Me On Jaxter: http://www.jaxtr.com/fracat


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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 6th, 2007 at 6:00 am and is filed under Interviewing Skills. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.