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How Do You Deal With Double Standards At Work?
Excuse me while I put on my hardhat before my post today.
Why will I need armor? Because I’m going to talk about the sensitive topic of double standards in the workplace.
Before I start offending everyone, let me start from the top: What is a double standard in the workplace? A double standard in the workplace is when two different people are held to two different standards in order to get raises, promotions, etc.
What’s more, I’ll admit that double standards are generally unfair. But I’m going to encourage you to get over it and just deal with the double standard because getting all bothered about it is going to ruin your career AND your life.
You can see where this might get a little touchy, no?
So, join me in a hardhat and read on.
THE DISEASE: DOUBLE STANDARDS IN THE WORKPLACE TODAY
To clarify exactly what I mean by double standards in the workplace, let me give you some examples of commonly cited ones:
The double-standard that you hear most about is women being paid less in the marketplace than their male counterparts. It depends on the report you read as to how much less they’re paid, but they’re all agreed that women are paid less.
Recent lawsuits in offices with a heavy male population have shown that the way women are spoken to in those offices is often seen as a double-standard.
Anyone who has worked in a family business knows that there is often a one standard for family members and quite another for “other employees”.
Many women have escaped the corporate world to start their own businesses because of the “Good ‘Ol Boy” syndrome that they thought existed at the old job. They thought it was terrible that men would pass over women to promote other men. However, when these same women start their own business, they specifically seek to hire and do business with women. This, too, is a double standard.
In my world of blogging, a group of women have gotten together to form BlogHer, which is a forum where they promote female bloggers. A similar organization for men (BlogHim?) would be attacked as sexist and demeaning to women. That is a double standard.
There are tons of examples, I’m sure (feel free to post the biggest double standard you’ve seen in your office), but these are the types of double standards that people frequently cite when complaining about their office.
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE OF DOUBLE-STANDARDS
Let me ask you an odd question: Who do double standards hurt the most?
Most people would answer, “Me! Me! I’m the victim of a double standard!” And I think that they’re right, but not for the reasons that they believe.
The biggest damage of double standards is caused by you, to you.
It is the psychological damage that you cause to yourself when you worry, fret, get angry, and start blaming the double standard for all of your failures. And, once you’ve gotten to that stage, the most likely outcome is that your work will suffer and you’ll be fired.
And it was all triggered by your own mental anguish about a double standard.
THE CURE: A BETTER WAY TO THINK ABOUT DOUBLE STANDARDS
I, too, used to get frustrated with these double standards and it caused me to spin my wheels getting angry when I should’ve been doing my job. I noticed that most other people weren’t getting as twisted up as I was about it and that’s when I figured out that the problem was really me.
Specifically, the problem was how I saw and thought about the problem and not the double standard itself.
For example, if there was one standard for me that was harder than someone else in a similar position, so what? I had an employment contract with my boss to do the work s/he assigned me, as did the other person.
Here was the breakthrough: My job is to do my job and not anyone else’s. If someone else got paid more for doing (what I considered) less work, why is that a problem? It happens all the time!
Even as a low-level worker, I got paid more than most policemen, firemen, EMS workers, postal workers, and teachers. And with the exception of teachers in the summer, most of them had more and harder work to do than I did.
So who cares if someone else in my company gets paid more? Or works less? If I work hard, I might get that job, too. But even if I don’t, I agreed to do my work for my pay.
Nothing else matters.
APPLYING NEW THOUGHTS TO OLD “DOUBLE STANDARDS”
Taking this new way of thinking about things into the double standards that I listed before, I come up with some new conclusions:
Equal Pay - If women are paid less, perhaps there is something they’re doing to cause that and maybe, if that’s the case, there’s something that they can do to fix it.
Male-Dominated Environment - Women have known all about men since the dawning of the earth. Just ask them. But in our male-dominated work environment, the biggest problem turns out that women are spoken to differently than men. That’s not to say disrespectfully, just differently.
This happens with men in a heavily female-dominated workplace (been there!) While you can’t change the world from acknowledging that you’re a women or a man, the great thing about America today is that you can choose where you work. So pick a place where you’ll be happy!
Family Business - Similarly, in a family business, you should know what to expect. Would you fire your son before some other, non-related worker? Probably not. And neither will they. If you don’t like that environment, don’t work there.
Woman-Owned Companies and BlogHer - The bottom line on both of these types of organizations is, “It’s their company.” They can do what they want with it. If I don’t like it, I don’t have to do business with them. By engaging in “women-only” practices, they’re hurting themselves as much as the morons that practice “men-only” philosophies. In the end, it’s not my problem.
THE BOTTOM LINE
In my life, there is a constantly occurring bottom line of one fact: “I cannot control / change / fix any other people. I can only control myself.”
Perhaps it’s sad that, in my life, the bottom line is a paraphrase of a line from Boogie Nights - “That’s a YP, not an MP” (Your Problem / My Problem)
As a result, other peoples’ problems are just that: other peoples’ problems. Not mine. The only thing I can do is to perform my work to the highest standard possible.
If my boss recognizes my hard work, great. If not, perhaps I need to find a new boss. In either case, however, it doesn’t matter what my boss is doing with other employees. I can’t control that.
And neither can you.
Enjoy the Search!
-Dan
—–
Daniel R. Sweet
Chief Cook-And-Bottle-Washer / Technical Recruiter
FRACAT.com - Free Resume and Career Toolbox
LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielrsweet
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Photo by: sylvar
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