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Getting Body Language Right - The Other Part of the Interview
Have you ever come out of an interview with the impression - nothing really to back it up, just an impression - that you didn’t like the person you were interviewing with? Or that you probably wouldn’t get along with him?
Well, guess what? They get the same sort of impression that they can’t explain, but most people trust. It’s the sort of thing that leads people to say, “I don’t know what it is about him, but…”
The answer is that it is body language. As noted in an article about body language in BusinessWeek, it can be very important to how people perceive you.
In my recruiting life, I frequently end up on the other end of the phone when an employer says, “He seemed overly nervous” or “She seemed immature” or “We just weren’t comfortable with him”. Some employers have a reason, but most of them can’t really explain it. But almost all of them go with their gut reaction.
So, today, here’s a little primer on how to have positive body language.
HOW TO GET BODY LANGUAGE RIGHT
The reason most people believe the impression that they get from body language is that body language usually very in line with what’s going on inside your head. However, the same body language can be interpreted in different ways.
While there are hundreds of different things you can be concentrating on for body language, focusing on too many makes you look weird. Really weird.
So, here are the 3 best ways to Get Body Language Right:
- Eyes are the Windows to the Soul - When you talk with someone, if you want to “engage”, you’ve got to make eye contact without looking like you’re staring at them. The problem is that we’re not used to making that much eye contact with people we don’t know.
The most natural way to do this is to be truly interested in what someone has to say, whether that’s, “Where are the Twizzlers” or “Tell me why your company is a great place to work.” If you’re not really interested, your eyes will show it. So, only ask questions that you care about the answers to.
- Lean Into The Wind - It seems elementary, but we really do “lean into” the people and conversations that we want to engage in and “lean out of” the ones we don’t. If you start to pay attention to this, you’ll be amazed.
Regardless if you standing or sitting, lean towards someone when you’re speaking with them and see how they react. Keep in mind that someone who doesn’t want to engage with you may shut down, close off, and/or walk away when you lean into them.
- Open Your Face - A lot of people recommend that you smile while talking with someone to make the best impression. Smiling is good, but if you’re going to smile through an entire conversation, people are going to assume that you’re either on drugs or are a stalker.
So, what I tell people is to “open up your face”. Instead of smiling all of the time, practice feeling that you’re just about to smile. The reason is that, right before you smile, your face opens up. You get rid of any negative “scrunching”, your eyebrows usually go up, your eyes open up, and your mouth straightens out.
If you’re doing this right, you should feel it first in your eyes and then the corners of your mouth will just start to turn up. At this point, you have an open, friendly, interested face without a permanent “Joker” smile.
Now that you know what to look for, it’s time to practice…
PRACTICING BODY LANGUAGE
All of this is going to look a little weird and jerky at first. That’s why I recommend you practice your body language with other people before your interview. I think it’s best to practice with complete strangers. That way, you know if the reaction you’re getting is accurate.
The way to do this is to focus on a goal and then just go for it. The best goals to know that you’re body language is working are:
- Discounts - Ask anyone selling you something for a discount. Be sure to use your positive body language and go for it. I don’t care if it’s a bottle of Coke or a car - ask for the discount.
Note that it doesn’t matter if you actually get the discount (a lot of people can’t do that without risking their jobs). What matters is how they react to you. Do they look like they want to give you the discount or do they look at you like a bum who just staggered in off the street with a brown paper bag in one hand and 2 months of stuff in your hair?
- Bend the Rules - Ask someone in a position of whatever authority to bend the rules for you. Get movie personnel to allow you to bring in your own drink. Get through a toll booth without paying a toll (and without being arrested). Go through the 10 items or less lane with 11 items.
I don’t care what it is - just use your positive body language to get them to bend the rules for you. It is almost impossible that they can’t bend the rules (unless the rule is something like “No leaving Fort Knox with a gold bar in your pocket”), so you should look to whether they did it or not for you as success.
- Too Much Information - See if you can get any stranger to give you “too much information” about their personal lives. Keep your face open and ask questions related to what they say. See if you can get them to tell something that most people would never tell a stranger.
This one isn’t that hard because most people are screaming (silently) for someone to listen to them, but you have to get through the “Hey - I don’t know you!” barrier before they open up.
These are just some of the ways to practice out your new body language until it feels natural to you and you don’t look like a weird bowing, stalker, Joker-smile robot. Also, keep in mind that you may need to try these several times as you’ll run into some people for whom it wouldn’t matter what your body language was, they’ll just shut you down.
Once you get it down, bring it into your next interview (whether it’s for a new job or a promotion). I think you’ll be impressed with the results.
Enjoy the Search!
-Dan
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Daniel R. Sweet
Chief Cook-And-Bottle-Washer / Technical Recruiter
FRACAT.com - Free Resume and Career Toolbox
LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielrsweet
Call Me On Jaxter: http://www.jaxtr.com/fracat
Photo by: dbking
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