FRACAT - Free Resume And Career Toolbox Blog

(click here to see full-size pic)

Liz Handlin (she of Ultimate Resumes fame) posted an article about Interviewing for your First Post-College Job and dispensed a lot of good advice to fresh graduates.

As I was reading it, I found myself nodding my head and saying, “Yes! Wait - No! What’s this lady talking about with “graduates”!? This is stuff that every interviewee should do and almost none of them do!”

In fact, the most common reasons that candidates tank an interview badly is because they’re not doing things like Liz suggests.

My thought has always been, “Well, they must be trying to tank the interview if they’re going to do all that stuff…”

So, in an effort to be helpful, today I’m going to talk about exactly what you can be doing to tank your interview. No more guessing for you! You can do it right!

So, without further ado, here is How To Tank an Interview in 17 Easy Steps.

Checkout Austin jobs at itzbig.com.

HOW TO TANK AN INTERVIEW IN 17 EASY STEPS

The next time you decide to tank and interview, you may want to print this out and bring it with you. I don’t want there to be any question in your mind that there will be nobody calling you back. Ever.

1. Know Nothing About The Company - Nothing says, “You’re wasting my time” like not knowing anything about the company you’re interviewing with. That must make it hard to say why you’d want a job there, huh?
2. Have No Clue About What is Going On in Their Industry - That way, you won’t have to answer all of those pesky questions about “why would hiring you help us?” Heck - you don’t know anything about the industry, how would you know? Yeeesh…
3. Be Cool! Act Apathetic! - It’s especially important to do what all the cool kids do these days and make sure that you always look angry. That way, you’ll show that you’re too cool AND uninterested to work there.
4. Talk Endlessly - Especially about the poor judgment that you show daily in your personal life. It’ll give the HR person some great specifics on why not to hire you.
5. Talk Bad About Your Current / Previous Employer - Nothing piques the curiosity like talking bad about your current or previous employer. “I wonder what wonderful things they’ll tell other people about me?” the interviewer is constantly thinking.
6. Ignore What Your Recruiter Told You - Frequently, recruiters are just a nuisance anyway. If he told you exactly what the company must have (and will hire on the spot as soon as they find it), be sure to say that you aren’t really excited about doing that.
7. Tell Them What You Absolutely Won’t Do - It really helps the decision-making process when you start dictating what you won’t do in a job. It’s even more helpful if you’ll do this up front, before they’ve told you anything about the position.
8. Hide the Bad Stuff in Your Background - Heck - all of those charges and convictions shouldn’t matter. I mean, you had a good reason for doing what you did, right? I’ll be that’s the first thing that HR will think once they get your lengthy background check back.
9. Think About What You’re Going To Have For Lunch While They’re Explaining The Job - Frankly, they’re probably just checking off an HR box that says, “Told the candidate about the position”. There most likely wasn’t any important information in what they were saying anyway. And - Boy! - Taco Bell would be good for lunch…
10. Be Unable To Sit Still - If you’re as fidgety as my 6-year-old (who can barely sit still when she’s asleep), it used to be that the interviewer would just think you’re a flake. Today, however, you’ll also be thought a drug user. That’s the way to get out of working!
11. Don’t Look Anyone In The Eye - If you look someone in the eye, you might look sincere and communicative when you’re speaking. It’s better to never look anyone in the eye. In fact, if you don’t spend more than a half second looking in any one direction, you’ll get that tough-to-achieve “shifty-eyed look” that has ended countless interviews.
12. Chew Gum. Vigorously. - Make sure that it looks like you could froth out some spit at any time. That’s always attractive. If you chew loudly between syllables too, it’ll help make it seem that you’re only fit for some government bureaucracy somewhere deep in the bowels of City Hall.
13. Dress Casual So You Feel Comfortable - I’m sure that your interviewer understands that you probably have some nice clothes somewhere. It isn’t necessary to show that you can dress appropriately for the job. Especially after all you’ve done so far in the interview, it’s highly unlikely that it’ll matter.
14. If You’re Female, Dress Like a Prostitute - This is the only exception to the rule above (as prostitute-wear might not be comfortable). After all, it’s refreshing to see someone come into your office for an interview and wonder, “Is she in the right place?” What’s more, there’s nothing that screams, “I’m a professional!” more than spending the entire interview constantly pulling down your skirt and pulling up your top just to be sure it doesn’t show your “lady bidness”. If nothing else, it is a distracting game for the interviewer, who can make bets on when some of that “bidness” is going to pop out.
15. Be Late - This is a classic. Act like you’re going to a nice party and show up “fashionably late”. You can either offer no explanation (if you’re going for the “I run this place!” feel) or say that there was a problem with traffic (if you’re going for the “I am unable to plan for any highly likely occurrence” look).
16. Forget What You Put On Your Resume - And when the interviewer mentions one of those areas, say something like, “Did I say that on my resume? Yeah…sure…that’s what I did.”
17. Don’t Have Any Skills That Are On Your Resume - HR appreciates it when you put your own nails in your coffin. When they ask about a certain skills that they require and you have on your resume, say something like, “I worked around that stuff a lot” or “Yeah, my parents had a business that did that”.

There you have it! I think this is the best, most comprehensive guide to how to tank your interview in existence today. You should bring it to all of your interviews.

Let it not be said, however, that I’m not open to innovation. If you’ve got some other sure-fire ways to tank an interview, post ‘em here! Let’s not let this skill die off into obscurity. Give for the good of everyone!


Enjoy the Search!

-Dan
—–
Daniel R. Sweet
Chief Cook-And-Bottle-Washer / Technical Recruiter
FRACAT.com - Free Resume and Career Toolbox
LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielrsweet
Call me on Jaxtr: http://www.jaxtr.com/fracat


Photo by: Phil Aaronson

Stumble it!          add to del.icio.us     

Back To FRACAT Blog Home

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 24th, 2007 at 7:35 am and is filed under Interviewing Skills. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.